I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize