He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
