can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
