I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
