ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
