I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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