Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
