Your face is a jimmy john
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
