Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
