I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
