he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
