hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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