mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
