i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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