she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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