we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize