Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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