At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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