i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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