I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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