You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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