I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
