Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
