Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
