you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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