I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
