is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
