I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
