well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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