the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
