Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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