my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
