so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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