Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize