i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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