i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
