Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were trust falling into bushes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
