Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
too bad you live with your parents still
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
