Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
