Your face is a jimmy john
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
