your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
