True but thats because hes a fetus.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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