We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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