I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
