You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fuck appropriateness.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize