I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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