he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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