they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
