remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
