I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
