I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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