so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
