The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
