So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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