shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
