There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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