you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
