I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
