peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
