Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
