I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
