I CAN MOONWALK!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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