i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Couch. On fire.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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