i just had sex bonerless
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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