why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
