He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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