Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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