Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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