i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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