its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will be naked everywhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
