A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
