i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
