Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
